I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
