I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
