i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
someone get that fucking seahorse.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
