even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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