we have officially lost it.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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