Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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