She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
