operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize