kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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