Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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