Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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