i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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