Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
