I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
