i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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