How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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