i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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