and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
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When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
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I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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