Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
