Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
