In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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