She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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