I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
