My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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