but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
