He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
