You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
