when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
