Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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