Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
