This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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