i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
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