i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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