just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
