Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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