I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize