I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
