I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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