FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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