Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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