We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
