two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
