I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
