just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I had to cum in my sink.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
