his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Well I just put wine in my tea
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
