So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
