Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just had sex on a roof
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
