Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize