I hate all girls vehemently.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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