You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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