Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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