sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
