I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
