I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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