last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
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