Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
