i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
