I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
