**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You pole danced in your parka.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
