You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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