He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
