i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize