We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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