you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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