biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
