Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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